Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
