don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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