No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize