'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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