he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
