When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
