on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
