You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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