I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize