after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
