If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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