You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
