she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
