UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
