ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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