I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
