I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
