I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
