I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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