If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
