Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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