I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
