they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
