Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
