He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
