I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
