everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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