I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She's JV to your varsity
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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