I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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