how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
