That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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