every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
