you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
