So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
