mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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