I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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