you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
