i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
