I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
