In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he puts the penis in happiness.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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