I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
