Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
