When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
