so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize