It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
