Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Are we still banned from the library?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
