Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I got her a Nickelback box set.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
