Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i would punch a child for taco bell
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
