I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize