There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
