I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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