Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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