just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So squirting runs in the family.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
wow bdsm is so cute
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
