You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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