Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
