so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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