I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
