There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
