Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
