so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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