I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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