She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't trust your balls anymore.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
