I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
