so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
