she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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