brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
