Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
