I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
