sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I touched a dick in church today
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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