I cockslap morals
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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