Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
