They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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