she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he thought i was a dude.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
