After last night, I could never be a politician.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm always down for nudity.
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