I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
