yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
