She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
