I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
