community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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