I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
