We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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