I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
