let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
