i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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