Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
