I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
