pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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