Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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