They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
