The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
