all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
