I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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