I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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