"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
