Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
