Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
