Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Houston, we have a squirter
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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