Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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