I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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