Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You may now shotgun with the bride
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
