I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize
