he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You're like the curious george of whores
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You made out with two different species that night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
