Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
