I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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