There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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